Now that the door on 2022 has finally closed, I know that many of us are more than ready for the fresh start of a new year. But before we get too far down the road, I want to share a couple of thoughts about goal setting, including something new I’m adding in 2023 that I truly believe will have a game-changing effect.
Years ago, I decided to opt out of making resolutions—a process which had always felt both punitive and limiting—and began setting high-level “umbrella” intentions that had powerful “Driving Whys” behind them. As an example, the humdrum “Lose x pounds” might become something like “Maximize Physical, Mental and Emotional Health in order to live a long and vibrant life.”
From there, I identify the “One Thing” that had the greatest likelihood of moving the dial in the most impactful way--versus setting myself up for failure by overcommitting to 1000 different things—as us high achievers are often wont to do. (If this is something you struggle with, I’d highly recommend reading “The One Thing” by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan.) I then put my draft plan through another filter to see if the objectives I’d set were rational. In other words, were they written with an eye toward “meeting myself where I currently was?” (Signing up to run a marathon in 3 months when you haven’t run in two years is the opposite of that—and yet, it’s the kind of thing I regularly did.)
Taking this approach has worked well for me in many ways, but it always felt like it was missing a little “oomph.” Over numerous long walks around this beautiful island I live on, as I began to ponder the big “What’s Next,” the missing ingredient became quite clear. Joy. Joy has never made it into the equation when it should have had the starring role.
So this year, my starting point has been to ask myself: How can I bring more joy into every aspect of my life? And in this context, joy is not of the momentary, quick hit variety, but that which is fundamental and enduring. (To prepare for this exercise, I’ve asked a variety of people: What brings you joy? The answers I’ve received have been astonishing—in the truest and best sense of the word. And, by the way, not a single person has equated joy with some momentary flash.)
But there’s a tricky part to this: working toward joy is not always a joy-filled experience. To the contrary, the quest for joy often requires that you face some hard, cold facts—including things that may even break your heart. Like realizing that a relationship or situation you’re in has never, nor will it ever, work. Or tackling a health challenge, or something about yourself, that you’d much rather ignore. Nor will every day be a delight. This is life we’re talking about—messy and wonderful and filled with highs and lows.
As I map out a plan for the next several years for my professional and personal life, I’ve spent some time reflecting on past accomplishments—many of which I’m exceedingly proud of, but I can’t always say they occurred in situations that brought me any measure of joy. And given the finite nature of life (which is becoming more shockingly evident with each passing year) I am committed to see this change.
On a final note, “Joy” is never a one-way street. You get what you give—to your family and friends, to yourself. And this is especially true as leaders—we can’t expect our employees to create joyful experiences for our customers if they are not experiencing joy from within.
Here’s to making changes that count in the year ahead, and may 2023 be filled with abundance and joy.
Great read! I too no longer set resolutions. I turned 60 last year, and I have decided 2023 is the year of me. Taking past regrets and using them for good. I was fascinated by this idea after reading Daniel Pink's new book on regrets. Two big regrets - not keeping up with my music, and not writing that book. I rented an adult student cello, and started taking lessons in July 2022. And I am sitting down today to work on my book!